Not Perfect

Hello all!  Thanks for the kind comments on my new quilting blog!  I have enjoyed taking pics and ‘talking’ quilts, and hope to keep it up. At the same time, I find myself with less and less to say on the topic of weight loss, or even weight maintenance.  But in the interest of possibly helping someone by giving you an inside look at the life of someone who lost 100 pounds starting seven years ago, and is still maintaining 80 pounds of that loss, here goes.  Whew.  That was a sentence and a half!

So, I’ve been following that Bobay plan, which is basically a carb cycling type of plan, higher in protein than I had been eating (about 100-120 grams of protein/day.)  It is also a relatively low fat diet.  I am very comfortable eating low fat.  What I found was that increasing my protein decreased my appetite, and kept my mind off of food for the most part.  But I was becoming uncomfortable eating that much protein, especially meat.  And since I don’t like eggs that much, and don’t like beans, meat plays a major roll in my protein intake. Several nights last week I just did not want to eat my planned meal of meat and veggies.  One night I substituted my Breakfast Clafouti, which was still very high in protein.  And another night I just had some Baked Oatmeal.  So I have learned from this plan.  I will increase my protein intake.  But I will also listen to my body’s needs, and adjust accordingly.

Also in the last couple of weeks I’ve eaten a few things that –well, wait.  I want to say that I try hard NOT to talk about foods that might be triggers for some people.  I have a hard time sometimes just reading descriptions of baked goods, much less looking at pictures of them.  So I will substitute BG for whatever specific baked good I am talking about and maybe that won’t bother you.  I just wanted to say that after all this time of changing my eating habits, I still have those times when I wander into the BG aisle.  And I saw this particular BG at Trader Joe’s several weeks ago.  I left it there.  On the next trip, I saw it again.  Put it down.  And then just before I left the store, I went back and put it in my cart.  And here’s the worst part of it.  It wasn’t that good.  REALLY.  It just was not.  So then I ate parts of all four pieces of BG to make sure it was not that good before I threw it away. And then the next week at my local grocery store, I picked up the cheap version of this particular BG, and I ate that.  And THAT was actually what I had been wanting.  Aaaarrrgh.   I’ve passed up those cheap BG for YEARS now.

For my birthday 2 months ago, my sister gave me a little kit that included a miniature cast iron skillet, and the ingredients to make one of my old favorite BGs.  So you see I left it alone for 2 months.  But I thought, I’m going to eat very carefully today, so I can fix that BG and have it and still be within my calorie range.  And so I did that.  Thank goodness for protein!  I came in at 1500 calories, including the BG.  But guess what?  That kit was stale or something, and it was NOT WORTHY.  I ate half of it to make sure it was not worthy before I threw it out.

Going to town and food:  I have gone to the big city two times this week.  Friday I went with an old friend, and we planned to eat lunch out.  I was really looking forward to it.  We went to BJ’s, and they have now included their calories on most of their menu items.  Wow.  So we ended up getting the half flat bread pizza and a small salad, 550 calories total.  Very satisfying.  And we stopped for a small pinkberry froyo with no toppings, 150 calories.  Very good.

Today I went back to the same city.  This time I was visiting Whole Foods.  And guess what I chose from their food bar?  One BBQ’d chicken breast!  Go me.  I also got one BG to bring home.  A better version of the one that I had made in the cast iron skillet the night before.  Do you see a pattern here?  Whether I plan for a treat or I splurge on a treat, if it is not worthy, I feel cheated.

However, a good thing  has happened.  I am losing my fear of the BG.  They don’t derail me from my normal healthy preferred way of eating.  They don’t have any more magical power over me.  The next day I go back to eating ‘on plan,’ and it is usually a lower calorie day.

Anyway, I just wanted to share all this–I am still a work in progress.  I have noticed also that I have this underlying feeling some days of ‘being bad,’ or ‘a failure.’  And when I go back and review what I have eaten, there is nothing wrong with it.  It seems just that I thought a lot about various things that I could buy or could eat, but I didn’t.  Weird.  Something else to keep working on.

I am still quite enamoured of the Quest protein bars.  I was chatting with the owner of the shop where I get them, and he has an online store and does quite a bit of business through it.  I checked the Quest Bars, and they are cheaper from him than anywhere else I have seen them.  His store is Get Ripped Nutrition.  Haha.  I laugh every time pudgy middle aged me walks into the ‘Get Ripped’ store.

I am reading/skimming Linda Bacon’s book, Health at Every Size.  As I have said on this blog before, I don’t actually think you can be healthy at EVERY size.  When you are young, you probably can be healthy at any size, but eventually extreme excess weight will catch up with you.  At the same time, I do think that many many people are not going to fit into that perfect BMI category and they ARE very healthy.  She has an awful lot of scientific research in her book, most of which I’ve heard before, which is why I am skimming parts of it.  This whole concept of your body knowing what size it should be and allowing it to settle at that weight puzzles me.  So does that mean that I was MEANT TO weight 257 pounds?  Cause that’s where I stayed very consistently for many many years. Or does that mean I broke my body’s regulatory systems and ended up there by default?  Its a puzzlement…  I got the book cause it was so cheap on Kindle.

I’ve been very happy that I have continued with my wanting to be active.  It seems that that little statement that I stuck in there–“If being a little heavier is part of this, so be it.”– has been very important. I do not hesitate to go to the gym just because I think my weight is up that day, or I am ‘feeling’ fat, or I think I look frumpy.  I go happily and proudly to the gym as a fat frumpy super strong short old lady.  I am mostly happy with what I see in the mirror.  I hope this part of my process sticks!

So there you have it.  Just a ramble about what long term weight loss maintenance looks like.  Its not perfect.

8 thoughts on “Not Perfect

  1. I appreciate your honesty and willingness to share how it really is. And in spite of anything, you have kept off those 80 pounds, and are STILL learning. I suppose we’ll be finding stuff to work on for the rest of our lives. :-)

  2. I think you do weight loss maintence very well. I appreciate you sharing your journey with us on your blog of what “real” maintence is for real people.
    How/what we eat changes, and how much we exercise as well. Plus formorely overweight people have to always be aware of how many calories they eat and how much exercise it takes to maintain that new lower weight at least that is how it works for me.

  3. I hope you never stop writing about your weight loss and your maintenance. It may seem the same to you, but for those of us reading, every post speaks of a different day and different circumstances. And they are always helpful. I enjoy reading the blogs of those like me who are still in losing mode, but it’s the ones like you who give me the encouragement and motivation to keep going knowing that I will get there eventually.

  4. This is such a GREAT post, Debby! I can relate to so much of what you wrote about…the guilt over just THINKING about eating certain items, the discovering that something isn’t that good, but taking several more bites just to be sure, the feeling cheated (I thought I was the only one!) when a splurge isn’t all it’s cracked up to be…it’s like you are inside my head, and actually, it’s nice to have a roommate! :)

    I wrote about cupcakes today, and while I didn’t include a picture of one (because I didn’t want to set anybody’s trigger off), I did include a description – and honestly, I hesitated, because I know how some days, just reading about some specific food will set me to thinking about it. I appreciate that you used the abbreviation – BG – very clever. You are a sane and wise woman, and I’m glad, SO GLAD, that you are putting your reality “out there” for everyone to see. Makes me feel not so alone in this crazy world we call maintenance.

  5. The two grocery stores we shopped in on Saturday were both arranged so that you see lots of bakery items as soon as you walked in the door. I saw a lovely piece of strawberry cake and picked it up and told my husband “I need this.” He seemed baffled and then said something like “Ok, if you don’t mind missing a meal for it.” I put it back gladly.

  6. I honestly don’t understand why you wouldn’t talk about or post a photo of a food on your own blog, IF you wanted to. I realize things like that can be triggers for some people but I also feel that’s THEIR issue to deal with. Obviously it’s what they need to fix. If they come to my blog and it bothers them, click off is what I say, it’s my blog. I very often click off blogs that are bothering me (not necessarily food related either). Phew!

    The way you describe being disappointed by a treat is the EXACT reason I rarely buy baked goods or other such items. When I make something homemade, I have complete control over the ingredients and I know the end result will be delicious. Also, the time and effort that goes into making it definitely makes it a treat and not something I’m tempted to do all the time!

  7. Not perfect, maybe, but a good role model for my journey! I always assumed that when I lost all of my weight, things would magically fall into place and there would be no more food issues. Know I realize that there will always be food issues, but I’ll have a better handle on how to deal with them.

  8. I think it is okay to talk about food on your blog. Someone is going to be triggered by anything a person can post. You can trigger an exercise binge disordered person when you post about exercise, but nobody thinks about that, just food. I know that there are some sites I have to stay away from because the food looks so good that it really causes cravings for me, but that is my issue. I wouldn’t want them to stop posting food pictures because of that. I just choose when I want to view them.

    I find that a lot of foods just aren’t as good to me as they used to be that I bought at restaurants or bakeries. Now I have those known staples that are really good, but have to limit them. I know I can make things really good at home, but I struggle with the leftovers when I only wanted one, and I can’t force John to chow down on the rest! LOL.

    I have not had any luck with CCK’s individual recipes. I think it is the microwave issue, but they are gummy.

    Oh, and hooray for losing the fear of the BG! Fear of food leads down the road of trouble.

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