Deja Vu, In Reverse?

Well, I’m back from vacation and it was an interesting experience.  Food-wise, I started out really strong, eating my food I brought, and going to the grocery to get other stuff instead of eating out at my favorite restaurant!  But as the week wore on, I ate more and more ‘for fun…’  During the day in the workshops, there was chocolate EVERYWHERE!  There were desserts at every meal.  And for some reason, being in a hotel room means having a late-night snack…  All in all, there were many times I made really good choices, and quite a few times I made bad choices.  The thing I really don’t like is eating when I am already full.  That’s when I can feel the pounds adding on.  I came home convinced that I had gained 10 pounds, and I am only up 3, so all in all, I am thrilled with how I did on this trip.  I am hopeful that as time goes on, it will become easier to make better choices while traveling.  For me, one real advantage to eating well on a trip is to have a microwave and mini-refrigerator in the hotel room, and this hotel, although luxurious, had neither.

So, about the deja vu thing.  My teacher at this retreat was short and extraordinarily heavy, to the point that her health was affected, and she was using a cane part of the time.  She was also extraordinarily creative, a true artist.  I have had 3 teachers, 2 quilters and a rug hooker, all very artistic,  since I started my weight loss journey, with almost exactly the same dimensions (short, and extremely obese.)  Since I am short also, that is the deja vu part of it.  I was on my way there.  It really affected me seeing this.  I was actually writing about it in my journal the second morning (wondering if there was a relationship between short and fat and creative) and I had been wondering if there had been a teacher in my spinning/knitting world like this, and I just started laughing out loud when I realized IT WAS ME!!

One of the days mid-week, I made myself go out for a walk, even though I was really tired.  And I was really upset with how very bad my body felt.  EVERYTHING hurt.  I felt EXACTLY the same as I felt when I started out.  I had to limp, and walk very slowly.  I don’t know why that happened, maybe because I was sitting all day learning a new skill, so my body was tenser than usual.  When this happened, I started thinking about how I really like that I can walk fast.  And how I used to say to people that I was ‘the world’s slowest walker’ kinda of as a preemptive strike (if I said it first, they couldn’t criticize me.)

Anyways, I was watching quite a few of these overweight ladies, and thinking, well, I don’t think I was that fat, no, I don’t think I was that fat.  And I know I had a disconnect with how heavy I really was, even though I was ‘morbidly obese’ for so many years.  So I made myself identify one of the ladies who was closest to my former weight.  And then I looked at her face, and she looked shockingly like me.  So I watched her surreptitiously throughout the week to see how she got along in the world.  One night as I headed off to my room at a brisk pace, I looked down the road in the other direction, and there was ‘the former me’ walking very very slowly to her room. 

 I actually think this whole experience was a gift from God, i.e., this is where you came from, and this is where you can go back to if you don’t keep watch.  I think it was something I really needed, as I am struggling quite a bit just to maintain.  Maintain=keep on eating food that is good for your body, keep on LIMITING the amount of good food you eat, keep on exercising A LOT, every day, for the rest of your life.  It’s not such a bad trade-off for being able to walk fast, and breath easy, and sleep really well throughout the night.  And bend over to paint my toenails, and wear cute clothes, and lift 50 pound chicken food sacks, and garden, and dance (well, by myself in my living room…)

 

3 thoughts on “Deja Vu, In Reverse?

  1. Hey Debby!! Glad you are back. I am always on the lookout for women who have my body shape. I saw a woman the other day who had the same familiar curves that I have and my first thought was, wow, she looks so matronly. I don’t want to be matronly!!! Gotta get these batwings under control.

    Glad you had a good time. Hope you learned lots of new stuff!! =)

  2. There was an Oprah show (something about how to like how you look naked) that they lined up women of the same type of build – from lighter to heavier – and then had ONE woman try to pick where she “fit” in the line. Every time – the woman (tried it with different sets) thought she was bigger than she was.

    glad you had a good week.

    I equate my fatness with my quilting. I am not saying this is true or accurate. I am not saying it is true for anyone else. I am just saying – that I try very hard to avoid the sit down stuff. I garden now – more physical.

  3. Hey Vickie, I saw that show. Unfortunately, I think I have had the opposite problem inside my head for a long time. I know, because when I see the size clothes I used to wear, I just cannot believe that is the size that I wore, and yet I took those clothes out every day and put them on…

    Also agree with you a bit about the quilting, etc. (sit down stuff.) There are so MANY very overweight ladies in these arts, maybe because you can still excel at these when you are heavy. But you know, the truth is, when I was at my heaviest, it even got unpleasant to do some of the things involved with sit-down stuff. Knitting was tiring, if you can believe it. So now, you are right, sometimes I am frustrated at the amount of time I must exercise because it takes away from the ‘sit-down’ arts that are so important to me. But I know that it is absolutely crucial to my long-term success to keep exercise, and lots of it, a priority in my daily life.

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