Hmmm…well, I haven’t posted in over a week, and I don’t have a whole lot to say today. I was going to write a post called ‘Inertia’ because that is how I was describing myself (Is inertia a feeling?) but if you think about it, by definition I wouldn’t be able to write a post called Inertia whilst I was in the midst of inertia. So there you have it. That’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it.
Speaking of ‘sticking to it’ my weight (posted Tuesday instead of Wednesday because I always gain on work days and I worked Tue. and Wed.) is still exactly 163.2. Is there some sort of Olympic award for maintaining weight so scrupulously??? I seem to have ‘stuck the landing,’ even if the landing is 5 pounds shy of my stated goal…
So this morning, I was making some of my ‘famous’ scones, raspberry vanilla this time, and working on perfecting my recipe, and as I spread the melted low-fat butter on the top (so the sugar sprinkles will stick better) I said to myself, (because there is no one else here and the dogs don’t care as long as SOMETHING drops on the floor for them to eat,) ‘You are not acting like a person who is trying to lose weight. You are acting like a person who is trying to eat as much as possible and still maintain weight. Just like when you were in college and practically did calculus to figure out exactly what you had to get on exams and still pass your nursing courses with a B average.’
So I guess if I am honest with myself, by that definition, I am succeeding at exactly what I am trying to do. This all relates very well to an article that Lori recommended. The article was mostly about lies we tell ourselves. This is all so interesting to me because so much of the weight loss thing is a ‘mind game.’ It’s not really a game at all…’mind hard work’ is a better way to describe it. But anyways, I have since the start spent a great deal of time researching and thinking about maintaining the weight loss because I NEVER WANT TO GAIN THAT WEIGHT BACK.
Every day I plan out what I am going to eat, I write it down, track the points, keep track of exercise. I have a lot of the behaviors that are necessary to lose weight, and to maintain weight loss. I know what to do to pare it down and lose again. I guess I don’t want to do it enough. One thing I have thought about is “Is it my mind or my BODY that doesn’t want to do it enough?” But until whichever part of me that needs to changes, I am trying to be gentle and kind to myself, and be content with the weight loss I have achieved, and especially be aware of how much better my body works.
Well, I’m off to enjoy one of the raspberry-vanilla scones, and to plan out the next week. I have 6 days in a row off work, and I don’t want to be stuck in inertia anymore!