Telling the Truth to Myself

Hmmm…well, I haven’t posted in over a week, and I don’t have a whole lot to say today.  I was going to write a post called ‘Inertia’ because that is how I was describing myself (Is inertia a feeling?) but if you think about it, by definition I wouldn’t be able to write a post called Inertia whilst I was in the midst of inertia.  So there you have it.  That’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it.

Speaking of ‘sticking to it’ my weight (posted Tuesday instead of Wednesday because I always gain on work days and I worked Tue. and Wed.) is still exactly 163.2.  Is there some sort of Olympic award for maintaining weight so scrupulously???  I seem to have ‘stuck the landing,’ even if the landing is 5 pounds shy of my stated goal…

So this morning, I was making some of my ‘famous’ scones, raspberry vanilla this time, and working on perfecting my recipe, and as I spread the melted low-fat butter on the top (so the sugar sprinkles will stick better)  I said to myself, (because there is no one else here and the dogs don’t care as long as SOMETHING drops on the floor for them to eat,)  ‘You are not acting like a person who is trying to lose weight.  You are acting like a person who is trying to eat as much as possible and still maintain weight.  Just like when you were in college and practically did calculus to figure out exactly what you had to get on exams and still pass your nursing courses with a B average.’

So I guess if I am honest with myself, by that definition, I am succeeding at exactly what I am trying to do.  This all relates very well to an article that Lori recommended.  The article was mostly about lies we tell ourselves.  This is all so interesting to me because so much of the weight loss thing is a ‘mind game.’  It’s not really a game at all…’mind hard work’ is a better way to describe it.  But anyways, I have since the start spent a great deal of time researching and thinking about maintaining the weight loss because I NEVER WANT TO GAIN THAT WEIGHT BACK.

Every day I plan out what I am going to eat, I write it down, track the points, keep track of exercise.  I have a lot of the behaviors that are necessary to lose weight, and to maintain weight loss.  I know what to do to pare it down and lose again.  I guess I don’t want to do it enough.   One thing I have thought about is “Is it my mind or my BODY that doesn’t want to do it enough?”  But until whichever part of me that needs to changes, I am trying to be gentle and kind to myself, and be content with the weight loss I have achieved, and especially be aware of how much better my body works.

Well, I’m off to enjoy one of the raspberry-vanilla scones, and to plan out the next week.  I have 6 days in a row off work, and I don’t want to be stuck in inertia anymore!


5 thoughts on “Telling the Truth to Myself

  1. Ha! So don’t you all laugh at me when I say, ‘well, I don’t have much to say today,’ and then I blab on forever–LOL.

  2. {{hugs}}

    Lifetime changes are hard to make. The will to do it ebbs and flows. As long as you are more on plan than off, over time you will succeed!

  3. Dang girl, I thought I was going to have send out a search party for you!! So happy to see a post this morning!! And six whole days off???? I am green with envy, and it aint easy being green.

    So, you’re maintaining? Well I think that’s great! You’ll know when you really really REALLy want to lose that last 5 pounds, and when you do, you will do whatever it takes to get it off. Continue to be kind to yourself. Are you happy being this weight? If so, then I say just call it good and consider yourself in maintenance! If it really means a lot to you to lose those last 5, then just think about what you did before to lose weight. Also reading motivating stories always helps me get my mojo back. You did it before, you can do it again.

    I love your Olympic analogy above!! “stuck the landing” – that’s great!! You’re so funny – do you even realize how funny you are???

    Oh, and I’ll take a dozen of those raspberry scones, please!! =)

  4. Hey Jill, Thanks for all the good words. Well, the 6 day off thing…not that its not great, but because I work 12 hour shifts, I only work 2 or 3 days a week, and they become 16 hour days because of the commute…not that I’m defensive about my work schedule or anything!! But yah, I really am excited about this 6 days off because I have NOTHING else scheduled to do on these days, and that is really rare.

    No, I’m not really content with this weight. Clothes looked a lot better on the 158 pound body. And I have a sneaking suspicion that if I ever see 158, I will want to lose more…

    Thanks for saying I am funny. Yesterday when I wrote that I thought ‘I’m not really that funny. I guess I’m just funny in reaction to someone funny (like Jill.’

    The scones are easy to make, and very impressive. The blueberry ones are WAY easier to make. The original recipe (that my church ladies loved) used reg. flour, sugar, and heavy cream! Decadent, but definitely not for weight watchers, or even Atkins fans.

  5. OK, you just hit me square in the gut: “You are not acting like a person who is trying to lose weight. You are acting like a person who is trying to eat as much as possible and still maintain weight.” I am in the exact same boat. I claim to want to lose more weight, but I sure as heck am not acting like it. Even when I’m not in a funk, like now, I have been living the “eat as much as I can and not gain weight” plan.

    Glad you are back to posting. Missed ya!

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