First of all, let me say THANK YOU for all the kind comments on my last blog entry.  I was kind of surprised.  I guess you guys know me better than I thought.  So what is happening is this, I think.  I went through my old Weight Watcher passbooks, to see how and when I lost my weight.  And I saw that I lost the majority of my weight in a year and a half, and was at 168 by June, 2006.  It took another year for me to inch my way down to 155 in June 2007 (if any of you are new to this blog, that was a total of 100 pounds lost.)  But a little weight crept back on, and by the time I started this blog in May, 2008, I was fighting the same 5 pounds, about 161-165.  THEN over Christmas and the family stress in January, that weight inched up a couple more pounds.  None of this was new to me.  It was just fresh in my mind because I had reviewed the dates in the passbooks.  But last Saturday, I weighed in at Curves because I joined a weight loss challenge they are doing (I think the challenge and accountability will be good for me.)  And it was just as I feared.  She inched that scale over the 170 mark:  170.25 pounds.  I did NOT want to see that number.

 And it just brings back the old fears in me that it is all going to disappear again, like in the movie, Awakenings.  You guys know that movie, don’t you?  Where the doctor discovers a ‘cure’ for catatonic people, and they literally come back to life, and for a brief moment in time, they experience all the joy and beauty that life holds.  But the cure doesn’t last, and slowly each person sinks back into their lifeless form.  The equivalent for us is when people lose a whole lot of weight and then gain it all back.  You know it can happen.  It happens to people all around us.  It happened to my friend, Oprah.  It happened to the woman at work who did the Atkins diet so enthusiastically.  It even happened to the friend who had gastric bypass surgery.  I commented to a friend recently that it puts a whole new spin on the meaning of the phrase “we are fearfully and wonderfully made.”  Just when you think you have all the physical, mental, and emotional components of this weight loss/weight maintenance thing figured out, your body sends you a curve ball.

BUT, I am not giving up or giving in.  I am not even hanging on by a thread.  I am really okay, I think.  Just a little discouraged, and disappointed in myself that I can’t do better, be more disciplined, whatever miracle it was that allowed me to lose all that weight.  I likeMiz’s take on it.  I think I will write it on my frig:  I AM TRYING TO GIVE MY BODY WHAT IT IS CRAVING AND NEEDS TO RUN SMOOTHLY AND ENERGETICALLY.  And I did that again today.  Had such an excellent day of food.  Was a little off in my exercise….took the doggies out and got in about 2 1/2 miles, but it was neither fast nor energetic.  It was just done. Didn’t even make it to the mailbox to see if the Shred came.  Here, you guys can really laugh at me–it was too cold out, only about 40 degrees-LOL!

I am sure everyone has seen that movie, but if you haven’t, be sure to rent it.  One of the best!  Robin Williams and Robert De Niro.

7 thoughts on “Awakenings

  1. ok this entirely made me smile.
    your excellent day of food.

    here’s to loving our bodies and not punishing them.


    xo xo,

    Miz., who of COURSE has seen Awakenings 🙂

  2. I hear reality in your writing and that makes me smile.

    I do NOT hear lottery thinking nor it is not fair thinking nor I shouldn’t have to deal with this anymore because ‘I am done” thinking.


  3. I love that movie -breaks my heart every time.

    I totally understand what you are saying. I’m back up to 160 after getting down to 153 and losing those seven pounds is like trying to run in quicksand – it aint happening. I know it will come off eventually if I keep trying, but sometimes it gets so hard to keep going.

    I think your Curves challenge is going to be great – something to motivate you and keep you on track. Hang in there, spring will be here soon and we can all get out and enjoy the warmth.

  4. That movie sounds like one of those tear jerkers that I’d love! Seriously, I’m glad you’re not giving up; everyone hits bumps once in awhile, and it’s how they plow through them that shows if they have -stick-to-it-ive-ness!
    10 or 20 pounds is not a gain that puts you in a hole. Keep working at it, and finding new ways to enjoy your healthy lifestyle. I’m got confidence in you!!

  5. Pingback: Making the Best of a Bad Situation « debby weighs in

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