I’ve been thinking about this for quite a while. And, as usual, Mizfit got me thinking this morning. I think the two topics are related. Oh, what are the two topics? What was I thinking about?
I noticed a few weeks ago that I have pants that fit snuggly. Jeans that fit. That’s the way they are supposed to be. Size 14. I also have a pair of white cotton pants that fit perfectly. Also size 14. But they are loose and flowy. That’s the way they are supposed to be. And I noticed that I ‘feel’ a lot thinner in the loose pants than in the snug pants. A lot of days I just ‘feel’ fat in the snug pants. So, I just wondered about the whole ‘judging your weight by the pants you wear’ thing.
Then, this morning, Miz posted an email from a viewer to her scale basically saying she was done with the scale, wasn’t going to be a slave to it any more. This is not a new thought going around the blogs. But every time it comes up, I get a little flustered. I like my scale. Yes, I am often discouraged by my lack of downward movement on the scale. Yes, I know it fluctuates. When I am doing my best, I purposely won’t weigh on days I know it will show a false gain (after road trips or days of work.) But I still like it. Is there something wrong with me?
Maybe its just that I LIKE NUMBERS. I like lists. I noticed at the gym that I really liked keeping track of the weights I am using, and the reps I am able to do.
But the very first commenter on Miz’s post made a comment that probably answers and ties together these two topics (pants and scale.)
Think that we’re raised in a culture that doesn’t promote listening to our bodies..because we’re so out of touch with them. We’re so totally and honestly not in touch with what our body needs/wants desires..we’re always listening to something else…not us. Michelle
That’s it. I have been out of touch with my body for a very long time. That is why I never saw myself as large as I really was when I weighed 255.5 pounds. That is why I ‘feel’ fat on some days, when I weigh exactly the same as the day I ‘felt’ thin. That is why I have not always know when I felt full or satisfied.
But I am getting better. I do know when I am satisfied, and many days I can stop eating then, even if there is still food on my plate. Most days before I eat, I think about what my body needs to be satisfied and fueled. Most days I can look in the mirror and know exactly what I look like and be satisfied. My body is not ‘perfect,’ but it will do. Most days, even though my back hurts, I am happy with how strong and energetic I feel, and I walk proudly, paying attention to my posture.
After 4 1/2 years of hard work and practice, I am getting back in touch with my body. But for now I’ll keep my scale. Not as an indicator of my self-worth, but as a learning tool.