Oh Dear…

Just when I thought I had it all figured out…

Background:  Vicky was out of town for a week, so no lo-bars (my go-to for healthy treat/snack.)  Its not like there aren’t a million other great food choices out there for me.  So I’m not sure if this was part of the problem.  I think it was more of a psychological problem.  And I HATE that.

Anyway, Friday and Saturday at work were FREAKING stressful.  I was in charge, and I didn’t know it going in.  The unit was hopping.  Babies going out, babies coming in.  Procedures all over the place.  Not quite enough staff.

I was doing okay.  I had all my planned food with me for the day.  Then someone mentioned there was chocolate in the breakroom.  I know.  I didn’t have to walk in the breakroom.  After the eleventy millionth ’emergency’ that day, I thought, just one little piece.  And really, I only took 3 little pieces.  Then someone came over the communication devices we use and announced that she had brought a chocolate cake to celebrate someone else’s success.  Again, I avoided the breakroom.  But I had to give report to the oncoming shift in the breakroom and there it was.  I only took a 3-bite size piece.

The next day, Saturday, I snacked on a few other ‘goodies’ in the breakroom, and again, at the end of the day, there was a homemade cake in there with a ton of sugar frosting on top, and I again took a 3 bite piece.  This time, as I walked out to the car, I realized that I had that feeling that I wanted to eat the entire cake, and I still wouldn’t be satisfied.  When I got home, I looked around my cupboards (they are pretty ‘clean’ and ‘safe’ but found some ‘trail mix’ that I had bought for my dad (I know, he doesn’t need it either) that had M& M’s in it.  And I dug out probably 500 calories worth, but as I did, I planned to throw the rest away in the outside garbage can.  And that was the end of that.

Yesterday, (Sunday) I did go right back to eating well.  Calories were limited to 1340.  Everything I ate was healthy, and was stuff I really enjoy.  I went to the gym, and coincidentally, there was Vicky, baking some lo-bars.  So I did have a lo-bar for my last snack of the night!

I sometimes don’t want to share my failures.  Okay, I never want to share my failures.  But I notice that I learn a great deal from others being willing to share their failures.  And for myself, I think it is important to remember that I can get up and go right back to eating well after a day or two like this.  Because I tend to still have that fear that ‘it will all go away.’  And to remember that at least I did limit my snackage to WAY SMALLER pieces than I would have in my past life.

I had an absolutely great time at the gym.  Again, it was quiet when I got there.  Yay, the weight room/machines to myself.  I mapped out a plan, and suddenly there was a deluge of men and women in ‘my’ weight room.  I really had to work through my insecurities, and just go ahead and do what I had planned.  And of course, the other people were not interested in/worried about what I was doing.  Then I went down to the pool.  Usually, I don’t swim as long after my weights workout.  But this time, I SWAM 60 LAPS!!!  I’m not sure what this is leading to.  But after about 22 laps, that is when I noticed that peaceful feeling, where I just lay my head on the water, and almost feel like I could go to sleep and keep swimming.  And I stop, not because I am exhausted, but because I have spent enough time at the gym.  I have to admit, that when I get home, I am pretty darned tired.  Not a lot of activity going on.  I managed to do a little laundry and change my sheets, and cook a great dinner/lunch.  And that was it.  Daydreamed about a few quilt projects.  And cut out some scraps of fabric to play with.  Finis.

BTW, the meal I made was pretty great.  Had some sauteed veggies left over, and wanted some eggs/veggies/’fried’ potatoes.  Got home, and only had a sweet potato.  So I parboiled the sweet potato, then ‘fried’ it in one tsp. olive oil, added the veggies to warm them up, and then added one egg/one egg white scrambled and cooked it up.  Really great tasting, satisfying, and filling.  I just might have that for dinner again tonight.  Sometimes my ‘cooking for an army of one’ comes in handy!


9 thoughts on “Oh Dear…

  1. Way to get right back on track! And you’re right, you limited your “mistakes” to portions far smaller than you would have in the past. That in itself is worth celebrating!

    You seem to be achieving “flow” with your swimming. That is awesome! Glad you have found an activity that really works for you.

  2. Sounds like a long-term win to me, in that you got right back on track the next day. I know what you mean, though, about the fear that it will all go away…for me, after 13 years of whatever, it’s hard to trust that the new, better habits will stick around. Some days I feel like I’m not doing enough…and a few days of not tracking (as with this past weekend) can bump me up on the scale surprisingly quickly.

    That’s wonderful about your swimming! I feel that way at the pool, too, once I get going…like I could keep going longer, but “time’s up, gotta get to work.” I felt that way on my bike ride this morning, too. Then again, maybe quitting before we get exhausted reinforces that this is something we want to do again, rather than dreading the exercise.

  3. Thanks for the comments, everyone! I like your idea, Pubsgal, that quitting when we aren’t tired will make it something to look forward to.

    And Laura, timing wise–it seems usually, one lap per minute. The other day I did 50 laps in 42 minutes–I was pushing myself a bit. But yesterday, 60 laps in 60 minutes, and shorter swims have been the same: 20 laps/20 minutes, etc.

  4. Isn’t it hard to view having less of something in the past as being a victory? I still sometimes struggle with feelings of failure even just thinking about the cake (even when I haven’t had any!) That’s totally crazy.

    The important thing is that you got back on track and you were very aware.

    Awesome swim, too!

  5. I wish I was a better swimmer. I took lessons as a kid, but now I just sort of paddle around. I love the way you described the peaceful feeling, and I’m sure that 60 laps is quite a boost to your workout!

    Good job getting back on track with your goals. That’s a laudable sign of focus! 🙂

  6. Pingback: Tuesday Update « debby weighs in

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