Just when I thought I had it all figured out…
Background: Vicky was out of town for a week, so no lo-bars (my go-to for healthy treat/snack.) Its not like there aren’t a million other great food choices out there for me. So I’m not sure if this was part of the problem. I think it was more of a psychological problem. And I HATE that.
Anyway, Friday and Saturday at work were FREAKING stressful. I was in charge, and I didn’t know it going in. The unit was hopping. Babies going out, babies coming in. Procedures all over the place. Not quite enough staff.
I was doing okay. I had all my planned food with me for the day. Then someone mentioned there was chocolate in the breakroom. I know. I didn’t have to walk in the breakroom. After the eleventy millionth ’emergency’ that day, I thought, just one little piece. And really, I only took 3 little pieces. Then someone came over the communication devices we use and announced that she had brought a chocolate cake to celebrate someone else’s success. Again, I avoided the breakroom. But I had to give report to the oncoming shift in the breakroom and there it was. I only took a 3-bite size piece.
The next day, Saturday, I snacked on a few other ‘goodies’ in the breakroom, and again, at the end of the day, there was a homemade cake in there with a ton of sugar frosting on top, and I again took a 3 bite piece. This time, as I walked out to the car, I realized that I had that feeling that I wanted to eat the entire cake, and I still wouldn’t be satisfied. When I got home, I looked around my cupboards (they are pretty ‘clean’ and ‘safe’ but found some ‘trail mix’ that I had bought for my dad (I know, he doesn’t need it either) that had M& M’s in it. And I dug out probably 500 calories worth, but as I did, I planned to throw the rest away in the outside garbage can. And that was the end of that.
Yesterday, (Sunday) I did go right back to eating well. Calories were limited to 1340. Everything I ate was healthy, and was stuff I really enjoy. I went to the gym, and coincidentally, there was Vicky, baking some lo-bars. So I did have a lo-bar for my last snack of the night!
I sometimes don’t want to share my failures. Okay, I never want to share my failures. But I notice that I learn a great deal from others being willing to share their failures. And for myself, I think it is important to remember that I can get up and go right back to eating well after a day or two like this. Because I tend to still have that fear that ‘it will all go away.’ And to remember that at least I did limit my snackage to WAY SMALLER pieces than I would have in my past life.
I had an absolutely great time at the gym. Again, it was quiet when I got there. Yay, the weight room/machines to myself. I mapped out a plan, and suddenly there was a deluge of men and women in ‘my’ weight room. I really had to work through my insecurities, and just go ahead and do what I had planned. And of course, the other people were not interested in/worried about what I was doing. Then I went down to the pool. Usually, I don’t swim as long after my weights workout. But this time, I SWAM 60 LAPS!!! I’m not sure what this is leading to. But after about 22 laps, that is when I noticed that peaceful feeling, where I just lay my head on the water, and almost feel like I could go to sleep and keep swimming. And I stop, not because I am exhausted, but because I have spent enough time at the gym. I have to admit, that when I get home, I am pretty darned tired. Not a lot of activity going on. I managed to do a little laundry and change my sheets, and cook a great dinner/lunch. And that was it. Daydreamed about a few quilt projects. And cut out some scraps of fabric to play with. Finis.
BTW, the meal I made was pretty great. Had some sauteed veggies left over, and wanted some eggs/veggies/’fried’ potatoes. Got home, and only had a sweet potato. So I parboiled the sweet potato, then ‘fried’ it in one tsp. olive oil, added the veggies to warm them up, and then added one egg/one egg white scrambled and cooked it up. Really great tasting, satisfying, and filling. I just might have that for dinner again tonight. Sometimes my ‘cooking for an army of one’ comes in handy!