Still

Just so ya know…

  • I still wanted to buy a package of M&M’s when I was in the store today.  “Just in case…”  I still like M&M’s with popcorn.  And I can easily split the package into two servings (yes, by counting out the pieces.)
  • I still struggled at dinner with the ‘tiny’ piece of salmon I had planned to eat.  “Just thaw out both pieces.  Its not that much.”  (5 ounces instead of the 2 ounces I had planned.)
  • I still pick up ‘junk food’ when its sitting around and its free.  Like yesterday at sewing day.  A handful of trail mix, and a brownie.
  • I still am intimidated at the gym.  If guys are in the free weights room, I might skip what I want to do there.  If somebody comes in the studio to work out, I will usually stop what I am doing and act like I was done and go on to something else.  If somebody is in the spa, I will skip it, even though I was really looking forward to it after my swim.  And, if you can believe it, I’ve belonged to this gym for 6 months and have never set foot on a treadmill.  Granted, I prefer to walk outside.  But its been raining…
  • I still have a hard time stopping eating.  I chew Eclipse gum to stop, or as a substitute for food, or instead of dessert, or as a psychological prop.  I don’t even know why sometimes.  I do know I should take out stock in Eclipse gum…
  • I still struggle with the vision part–wanting it to be physical ‘perfection’ vs. physical health.  Man, I’d love to look like I feel (firm and slender) on my best days.
  • I still eat when I am not hungry.  Because I have planned to eat that food and/or because there are calories left at the end of the day.
  • I still use Splenda.
  • I still drink diet coke.
  • I still use half and half in my coffee.

Just so ya know.

A lot of my posts are about good choices I make.  Good foods I eat.  Good exercise I have done.  I am not trying to be deceptive.  I mostly want to encourage people that change is possible.  But sometimes I am encouraged when someone admits a fault or a struggle.  I often learn best from my mistakes.  So I thought it might be helpful to list the things that I still struggle with.  After five years, and countless changes, some of the same old things are still a problem.

Here’s how I dealt with each of those problem areas.

  • I passed on the M&M’s.  I thought about Vickie’s wise advice–if its in the house, it will get eaten.  And I made myself think about all the healthy dessert type things I had in my house right now.  And I made myself admit that if I had the M&M’s, I would eat them with the high calorie microwave popcorn.
  • I only thawed out the two ounce piece of salmon.  And yes, I know it was two ounces because I made myself weigh it.  But dinner was absolutely delicious.  The salmon was cooked to perfection, and each bite was a treat.  And it was enough.  (If you’re interested, I had it with roasted cauliflower (tossed with salt, pepper, garlic, and olive oil) and a wonderful Comice pear.
  • I tried to make myself stop eating the brownie and throw it out the window.  But I couldn’t make myself stop, even though it wasn’t that good of a brownie.  Only redeeming value was that it was small.
  • I have a plan to ask the nice girl who works at the gym on Sundays if she will give me a little intro to the treadmills.  Then maybe I will start to use them instead of just looking wistfully in their direction.  If there is only one guy in the free weights room, I will go in there and do what I want to do.
  • I work really hard some days at not eating until I am hungry.
  • Some days I wear form fitting clothes to the gym and I make myself look in the mirror to watch my form.  I work at ‘being content in whatever state I am in.’  I pay attention to how strong and sure footed I am.
  • I tried to let myself run out of Splenda.  But I just can’t give it up yet.  I have bought agave syrup, and I am slowly learning how to add a little bit of it into certain recipes.  I also eat my yogurt without adding splenda sometimes.  Work on just trying to enjoy the natural flavor of things.
  • Diet coke is not leaving any time soon.  But I only have one a day usually.  And I usually don’t have one at all on the days I work.
  • I try periodically to give up half and half in my coffee.  I usually end up adding the same amount of calories of whatever I am substituting so that it will taste more like half and half.  Coffee is just not worthy without half and half.  So for now, it stays.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I am going to go and have a cup of tea and a pumpkin chocolate chip bar.  Not because I am hungry.  But because I have planned for it and I have enough calories left and because I have been a good girl today.

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14 thoughts on “Still

  1. I truly adore this as I know that so frequently we (the royal) post about our victories.

    and so frequently we (the royal)post about our perceived failings.

    the problems
    the solutions youve found.

    Lots of food for thought.

  2. Had the mental image of the brownie literally going out the window and bonking someone on the head on the way down . . .

    Then had mental image of the brownie being thrown off the Empire State building and wondered if it would crack the sidewalk after falling that distance (the heavier thing).

    how many diet cokes would you consume in the ‘old days’? My Tab habit was of record book level. I used to haul it in to work by the case.

    The food at “sewing/quilting gatherings” and in the breakrooms at medical facilities/schools is of epic proportions. I don’t know how you all stand it.

    Good post.

    • Vickie–you are so funny. I guess I should have said it was the car window. I can’t tell you how much junk food I have thrown out the car window. I used to drive between Fort Worth and Wichita Falls (this was 25 years ago and another big wt. loss effort) and I would stop and get a bag of candy, and then further down the road, throw all the candy out the window…

      In the old OLD days, I drank Classic Coke-the real thing, and as much of it as I wanted.

      In the old days, I drank diet coke exclusively. I mean exclusively. No water whatsoever. So yes, this is a vast improvement. Some days I forget to drink the coke, and other days I have to talk myself out of a third coke. But ususally its not too much of a struggle to just stick with the one.

      The quilting group I belong to drives me nuts. ALL the ladies are ‘watching their weight’ etc., and ALL of them try to outdo the others in putting on a scrumptious spread that always includes all kinds of full fat/full sugar goodies. When its my turn, I always make a really good healthy soup or salad, and a delicious low-cal healthy dessert. Period. For a while I just didn’t go to the sewing days. And most days I stay out of the kitchen.

      This was really funny Tuesday. I had set out that tomato soup recipe with some of the ingredients on the counter so I would make it when I got home. The lady who was hosting said, I have some delicious tomato soup for everyone. I just happened to go to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee when she was preparing it, and she pulled a giant commercial bag of soup out of her refrigerator and dumped it into the pan to warm up. It looked like it was half cream. Of course everybody raved about it…I took a few sips to be polite. To me it tasted full of fat. She asked me if I liked it, and I said, well, I usually don’t like cream-based soups (this was true even when I was fat) and then she said something about bisques having a rice base. I gotta check that out…

  3. Thanks for showing that we are not alone with our struggles!!
    Definitely as the staff to help you at the gym, usually you can get a trainer to go round the gym with you for a one time thing at no charge!

    • Suzanne, believe it or not, I have a personal trainer at the gym. I just have never asked her because we are always busy doing other stuff.

  4. Cute post, Debby. I still have my struggles, too, but at least it makes me feel better that someone else struggles. Coffee without half and half is a hard one for me to give up. Oh is it hard. I also have started eating 100 calorie bags of popcorn at night, and I am not sure this is the best habit either.

    • Ali! Good to hear from you. I used to eat popcorn EVERY SINGLE DAY. At about the same time I started working with Vicky, I realized I didn’t really like the popcorn that much, but I still wanted to eat it because it took a while to eat. Vicky really believes that the artificial additives in stuff like microwave popcorn lead you to want to eat more, so I gave it up. And don’t miss it. I did get an air popper at the thrift store, and am experimenting with using that once in a while.

  5. I think I must be in minority because all I usually post about is my flaws!! 🙂

    I am always so inspired by your posts and your effort, and I just sort of thought you had it all figured out! I don’t want to say that I’m happy that you still struggle, but I’m glad you haven’t left me so far back in the dust that you can’t see me!! But I think you handle your struggles well, and that’s where I’d like to get to – being able to overcome those desires with a better choice.

    And the only way I can drink Diet Coke is with a great big wedge of lime! I haven’t had a Diet Coke in YEARS! I pretty much drink water exclusively (except for coffee) and I still don’t drink enough. Gotta work on that.

    And I swear I didnt’ read your post before I wrote mine – which is along the same lines as yours. Great minds think alike! 🙂

    • Great minds think alike! Absolutely.

      Hmmm….no diet coke? No Dr. Pepper? That’s what all my friends drank when I lived in Wichita Falls. Drinking more water–if I have not drank a glass by 11am, I make myself glug a whole 16 oz glass. That usually triggers my thirst button, and I don’t have any trouble wanting to drink the rest of the day.

  6. I have never mixed anything with my popcorn – no Milk Duds, no M&M’s – and I wonder what I’ve been missing all these years. Probably shouldn’t every try it…knowing me, I’d like it and just add one more struggle to my life, lol!

    Thanks for posting what you still struggle with AND how you deal with those struggles. The only thing I wonder is why only 2 oz. of salmon? That doesn’t seem like a full serving to me. But then, I don’t like seafood so I don’t see why you’d want to eat any of it… 🙂

    YES, ask the trainer to show you how to work the treadmill! It’s all about empowerment – at least then you’ll have the option to use it or not!

    • Yes, no sense in trying the popcorn and M&M’s. Kinda like me and pistachios. Might as well not start. There’s enough other food in the world to struggle with! The 2 oz. of salmon. That’s because I eat so much earlier in the day. Lots of times my dinner is veggies and yogurt or something. So if I have meat, it is a small piece. It sure took me a while to get used to smaller portions of meat (I mean 4 oz. instead of 8 oz!)

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