Tired of Trying

I know this never happens to any of you.  First, I was just tired.  Really tired.  After a long day Saturday, my thoughts get very VERY negative.  And then that negativity carried over to Sunday, which usually doesn’t happen.  One good night’s sleep usually gets me back on track.  Maybe its because my sleep has been interrupted the past few nights.  Maybe its a cumulative tired.  And Sunday morning I weighed myself.  Even though I know better than to weigh myself after my 12hour workdays.  And my weight was up two pounds (Two Pounds, that was the alternative title of this post.)  And that did not help my mood.  Which ended up with me thinking,  “I’m tired of trying.”  I’m tired of writing down every single thing I put in my mouth.  Or not writing it down and then obsessing over that.  I’m tired of thinking about whether or not I should eat something today, or maybe that would be too much and I shouldn’t eat it until tomorrow.  Or eating something ‘white’ and worrying about the cravings that will hit and the hard work of trying to resist.  I’m tired of always always trying to lose weigh and always staying the same.  I’M TIRED.

And unfortunately, that did not end Sunday night.  I woke up Monday morning feeling old AND tired.  My eyes feel like they do after you’ve cried for way too long.  Only I didn’t cry.  Maybe I should have cried and gotten this over with.  My food choices have not been stellar for the past two days (I even bought and ate some of those stupid gummy cinnamon bears in the grocery store today.  They looked sorely out of place among all the fresh fruits and vegetables and fish that were in my basket.)  But my food choices have not been horrible either.  And I still wrote everything down.

Today was my workout with Vickie.  And I went.  But not with the enthusiasm that I usually have.  Earlier in the week I had been thinking about how much I LOVED working out with Vicky and how I was never going to stop no matter how much it cost.  And the workout was a really good one.  Very hard and challenging, and I did pretty good.  AND I took two walks with Noah.  Fortunately, his energy level pretty much matched mine.

Well, if you’re still reading, here’s my takeaway from this.  Whatever this ‘I’m tired’ state is, it has nothing to do with my diet or my food journaling.  It has very little to do with my lack of weight loss.  I would have times like this whether I was fat or thin.  That’s just the way life is.  Just keeping on doing the best I could with food choices, taking Noah for his walks, going for my workout with Vicky, and going to the grocery store to stock up on fruits and veggies and fish, in spite of how I felt, will help it to not get worse.  And when I pull out of it (planning for tomorrow!) I will be none the worse for wear.

Here is a pretty little ‘crazy quilt’ block that I managed to do even though I was tired!


15 thoughts on “Tired of Trying

  1. I love this – “help it to not get worse” – sometimes that’s all we can do. It will get better – it always does. I hope you get some good rest and recharge your batteries soon…hang in there, my friend.

    • Thanks Shelley. I ended my day well yesterday, went to bed at 9pm, and think I am back on track this morning (a little too early to be 100% sure, heh heh!)

  2. I agree with Miz! Just the fact that you could recognize it for what it is, is a huge step. Hope you are feeling better today!! 🙂

  3. Debby i want you to know i wrote you a long eloquent comment a few hours ago and the computer ate it! So i gave up and thought…well look at all those replies she has she’s doing okay. So got dressed went for my run, got back showered, dressed, sat in front of the computer again and came across your blog again. Now i can’t promise you this second response will be as wonderfully eloquent as the first attempt , so i won’t even try but here it goes. LOL!

    I completely understand just being tired. Tired of well just the whole thing. Look how hard we are having to work just to maintain! much less see a loss. How easy it would be just to give up, give in, how much easier just to go back to the ‘way we were’. But then i think , that wasn’t easy then either…..it was hard to stand up, hard to move,walk etc…., hard to climb stairs, hard waiting for the day i would no longer fit in the movie theatre seat…..its just all hard whether you do or don’t do. But i choose the ‘other hard’ the hard that comes from pushing myself out the front door in cold and heat, the hard that comes from NOT eating that extra helping or fried, creamy food, I choose that hard because of the rewards i get from that hard……..some of which include, liking my reflection in the mirror, sliding up those size 12 jeans, feeling those ‘Rambo like endorphins’ form running up a big hill just because i can.

    You know Debby this life is a rollercoaster with all its ups and downs. We have to learn how to weather the storm. And it all is a learning process. We’ve been on this rollercoaster long enough that we know the upside of that downhill could be just around the corner if we’d just hung on a little longer. So as Fatty McButter Pants is fond of saying to anyone who needs it “Lay down the bat…..step away from the bat” LOL! I just love her. My mojo is struggling too. I’ve been stagnant with my weightloss for more than a year now. Its time to get this mojo on down the tracks! Hugs! Jinx!

  4. {{debby}} I love that you can separate your feelings from your food/diet. You’re right, “tired” is life sometimes. It just is. Think about the times you’ve not been tired, when you’ve been enthusiastic, and remind yourself that this time of tired shall pass. Nothing is permanent. So says your quasi-Buddhist-wannabe friend 🙂

  5. Some days are just ‘tired’ days, aren’t they? I’ve had a couple the last few days – due to insomnia. I’ve pushed through my workouts in spite of not wanting to do them and then come home, had a shower and put on a clean pair of pajamas. Something about wearing pajamas makes everything better! I think we should call a ‘jaja’ day more often in life.

    • Ha Sybil–I know you will like this. Me and my best friend (who is a quilter too) often look at each other at 3pm and say ‘PAJAMA TIME!!’ We love it! Yes, pajamas make everything all better.

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