I’m afraid this post contains no scientific data, and might not apply to anyone else. The only sweet tooth being examined is mine. Its a really big tooth, and I’m afraid its been acting up lately. Tuesday (yes, at a quilting class) there was a gooey cinnamon pull-apart. I even knew it was going to be there ahead of time, and I brought ammunition, but I’m afraid I succumbed. And I thought about all the times over the past five years that I have resisted the cinnamon pull-apart. But I also thought about how the last big time I lost weight (in my 20’s) I really stopped eating sugar all together. And I remember saying that stuff was ‘too sweet.’ But as we all know, that weight loss effort was a failure. I gained it all back plus some. So this time I decided that I would not say ‘never’ to any particular food. I would just allow myself the occasional treat, or have smaller amounts (like in the book ‘French Women Don’t Get Fat.)
In the past year, I have been learning that eating the sugar/fat/salt combo really does lead me to want more, and I have again toned down the regular consumption of sweets. But I still like them. I have never once thought, ‘that’s too sweet.’
Then yesterday, eating lunch out with my friend, I had, well, WAY TOO MUCH FOOD. I am not going to describe it all here, because sometimes I think that it is not helpful to other people to read about VERY HIGH CALORIE FOOD. I ate so much that I wasn’t hungry for dinner, and in fact, I didn’t eat dinner. I just had a little yogurt before I went to bed.
So I’ve been thinking about it today. Is it just that one indulgence led to another? Is it the proximity of the food? Was it an underlying ’emotional’ problem? Or was it a combination of all three? I do know that one indulgence leads me to WANT another. I can fight that a little. And I do think for whatever reason, the proximity of the food is a factor. If I am in a very large room and can stay away from where the food is, I seem to be able to resist it more. The emotional factor I usually tend to discard. I have examined and examined myself. There are specific instances of stress eating, of course. But I don’t think I eat instead of loving myself like Oprah says. I don’t think I have any hidden deep-seated emotional scars. I do think I really really like food (too much) and I really really like sweets. BUT….something did occur to me this afternoon. (I was much better today, but I have still eaten too much.) I did realize that my stress about my job, and examining retirement is probably a giant factor here. (sigh of relief. I don’t like having ‘unsolved mysteries.)
Just so ya know. I still like what I do. It is a little more stressful than I would like it to be. But the biggest factor is the long days. I just can’t seem to get over that. Retiring now is a big decision. It is permanent, you know? Yes, I know I can still be a nurse. But I could never go back to exactly what I am doing now. And there is a financial aspect to it too. If you retire at this age they don’t give you as much. I have never believed in working just for the money. But I don’t want to be an idiot either.
So I have a lot to think about. Here’s hoping I can think and not eat at the same time. Yesterday during the boring class I did come up with a plan that I’m kind of excited about. Vicky (my trainer) has her ‘Quick Fixx’ food business. And she does meal plans for people. Which I have done before. But I like to cook, and I like plain old vegetables and fruit and my homemade yogurt. So I came up with a plan: five days a week, I will get 1000 calories worth of meal food from Vicky, and I will add in 2 servings of vegetables, one fruit, and one serving of my homemade yogurt–1300 calories total for the day. The good part about this (besides the fact that Vicky’s food is delicious and I don’t have to cook) is that my choices are limited for a while. It is not a permanent solution, but it is helpful sometimes. I am going to do it for four weeks. The other two days of the week I get to cook, and my calories will be a little higher–about 1600.
That’s all for now. Back to work for a couple of days. You all have a good weekend and stay warm. Seems like storms are blowing in all over the country!