The day after I flew home on the plane I was sitting in church writing a different kind of list. This time I was thinking about the kind of person I wanted to be.
Most of all I want to live a balanced healthful life. WITHOUT ANGST.
I want to be
I want to be all of these things. I want them to be balanced in my life. I even wrote “If being a little heavier is part of this, so be it.” Now I don’t think that that’s necessarily so. Cause honestly, my joints are telling me every day that I can’t be heavy AND active.
It feels so good to say that I WANT to be active. For a very long time it was just something I did to stave off the inevitability of weight regain. But finally, I am realizing that it is something I WANT. One of the highlights of my trip was going to the gym for a weights workout with my brother. As always, he gave me some good tips on correct form. But this time I also knew what I wanted to do, and what I was capable of doing. That was fun. We also got in plenty of long walks. And since I’ve been home, I have been consistently very active, just cause I wanted to! Who’d a’thunk it?
This is all tied in to spending time in a town where I weighed some of my highest (234) and lowest (124) weights when I lived there 30 years ago! The past month or so I have seen women my current age who are really struggling physically due to being overweight. And I have seen young women who are as overweight as I was when I started this last weight loss journey. I’ve been in all these places and so many in between.
I guess that’s why I want to live that “balanced healthful life without angst.” No more worrying about ‘going back.’ I might not ever be the ‘ideal’ weight for my height. But part of my self-definition is now ‘active.’ I like that.