Thoughts

The day after Christmas, I started seriously working on a hooked rug. I had started it the previous year at my Anaheim rug retreat, and I was hoping to finish it before I went to Anaheim the first week of February. I worked almost every single day on that rug for hours. I called it the cow rug, and somehow I got scared of hooking the cattle. (My idea was to use cattle from all over the world, and the hills are from a picture I took of the hills in my area.) So one by one, I would make a goal to finish a cow. And the hills took a long time. Its a large rug, 42″ X 51″. Finally the cows and hills were done, and only the sky remained. I googled sky images, and chose one with a pale sunset. I finished the rug on a Friday night at 5pm, just a day before I was leaving for Anaheim!

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Here’s a thought I’ve had for a while. I found this article about “body acceptance begins with grieving.” Now even if you don’t believe in Health at Any Size (which I don’t completely agree with) still the grieving part is something that many people experience. I don’t think they actually realize it is grieving.

I got tired of dieting after doing it for fourteen years. And I started eating a little more. Most days I eat 1300-1500 calories. That’s enough for me to gain weight. I am still proud that I am keeping 55 pounds off. And I do still pay a great deal of attention to eating and exercising for health. But I’m probably never going to be that thin person that I wish I was. That’s where the grieving comes in. (Although both my mom and dad lost weight after they turned 80–haha, there’s still hope for me 🙂 )

Altra shoes. They are my favorite now. Before my knee was repaired, their zero-drop heels made my knee hurt too much. But now they’re perfect. Especially because of their roomy “toe box.” Wonderful. So I started looking online, and found a pair that were brand new on eBay, and in a pretty color. I got them and they fit just as good as the last pair.

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So, during the last week before I left for Anaheim, my neighbor came over and split a bunch of pine for me. So the only exercise I did that week was moving a bunch of oak into the woodshed, and then stacking up all that pine. I’m not that good at stacking wood, but I don’t mind doing it.

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So, my trip to Anaheim was wonderful, except for driving in the rain coming and going. I was so nervous about coming home, because snow was predicted! We’ve had such a mild winter that no thoughts of snow had occurred to me. Anyway, I got up early on Saturday morning, and drove straight home. I got groceries and picked up Noah, and headed home. All was well until it started snowing in the middle of the night and the electricity went out!

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Two days without electricity. Not that much fun. But I tell you, when it comes back on, its like magic! So thrilling to be able to wash dishes and my hair and wash clothes and just do all kinds of fun stuff!

So, I guess there weren’t too many thoughts in there, but that’s what I’ve been doing this past month.

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17 thoughts on “Thoughts

  1. Wow, great rug! And cool shoes, I like nice bright shoes like that, especially for exercise.
    Interesting and timely for me that you mention Health At Every Size. I’d heard of it years before and for a while, in the aught’s, gave up dieting for some years in part based on these words (though I never really read a book or dug into this movement, just basically took the words at face value). This was after learning how bad dieting is. Anyway, I’m back here now, finding HAES again as part of the landscape that’s there when addressing my own diet fatigue and just irritation at fat-phobia – my own, and the culture’s. This time, I won’t just abandon learning more. I care about my health, and don’t want to go back to eating foods that will decrease my health, but also am exhausted of feeling so restricted all the time. Here’s to progress for us both. Nice for you that you have your rug-hooking hobby! I need more hobbies myself. The outcome (the rug pictured) is beautiful.
    Thanks for being patient with my long comment!

    • Thanks for the comment. Its interesting to hear that other people have diet fatigue (I like that word.) Rug hooking is my secondary hobby. My first is quilting. And I still knit a bit. I love it all.

  2. Hi Debby. I haven’t commented in awhile, but have kept following your blog and read all your posts. I particularly enjoy your pictures about your garden. You rug came out beautifully. You are multi-talented. Today I learned a different aspect of body grief. I first learned about it after my hysterectomy and a counselor I was seeing told me that my depression was caused because I was grieving the loss of my uterus. Interesting to lear that you can also grieve over the loss of your body image before you can accept a new one. Thank you.

    • I worked as a nurse for many years, and I saw that same thing happen with some of the girls that had hysterectomy. Thanks for the nice comment.

  3. I am sure you and the writer of that article are quite spot on about body grief. I’ve actually experienced it a couple of times – a few years ago when I, too, realized I’m never going to be the size I want to be, and then again about a year later when my 15 years younger sister went and bought herself the body I wished was mine (i.e., she had lifts and tucks and all sorts of things so that now, at age 44, she looks 34). To be truthful, sometimes I go back and grieve a little more.

    So interesting to me that parts of California have had snow before us. We are in a snow drought this year, much to my delight lol!

  4. Never having actually stacked wood, but I love the aesthetics of how it looks (and YES, I’m sure that’s what you were going for when you stacked ALL THAT WOOD, haha). That looks like one heck of a workout!

    Body grief. I like that – after losing my weight, my arms still looked like I weighed 250 pounds. It was shocking to me that I would never get the arms of my pre-overweight self back. I didn’t think about grieving for them, but I suppose I must have (after being angry), because now I’m in the acceptance stage.

  5. Hi Debby, Your rug is beautiful and that is a lot of hooking. Your have been busy! Pretty pictures of snow and stacked wood.

  6. You know my diet history – except I don’t think I just had diet fatigue, I think I had diet exhaustion! I am so much happier now but I still hold out hope that I can lose a little more. I will never be 135 pounds again but if I could make it to 155, I’d be content.
    Your rug is beautiful and I think you did wonderfully on the cows!
    I like those shoes – do they run true to size? I might have to start looking for some.
    So glad you posted! 😄

  7. That rug is amazing – absolutely beautiful and it seems a monumental amount of work went into it.

    I am having that grief now as well. I’ve got some pain issues and I can’t do some things I used to do or work out as hard as I really need to. Plus a lot of stress last year and I gained some weight, which is just so hard to take off right now. Blah. It’s also that time of winter where it seems like it will never end, which doesn’t help LOL

    • I’m having that issue with winter as well! After what seemed like an unusually mild winter, it has hit us in force this month. Never-ending rain, with snow every few days!

  8. We constantly deal with the power being out for days at a time during hurricane season, and I agree, it’s like magic when it comes back on! So many things we take for granted, like lights in the house at night, and sleeping with the fan on 🙂

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