Step Away from the Crabby Old Lady!

Good morning, people!  Its your lucky day.  I don’t post for a week, and now you get to listen to me complain.  That’s okay if you don’t want to read.  Click away to some happy little elf’s blog (Lemony Snickets movie reference.  I LOVE that movie, BTW.)

So this is the deal.  My work (do you call it ex-work when you’re retired?) offers a ‘healthy living plan,’ and if you fill out the form online and maybe do what they tell you to, they give you $100.  Good deal, huh?  Well, apparently I am going to have to be tortured for my $100.

Last week I filled out the form accurately.  They knew how much I exercised, what types of food I ate, and my height and weight.  And I was treated to their assessment that I was overweight and had an unhealthy BMI.  (insert me screaming here.)  And the BMI recommended that I weigh 98-132 pounds.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.  I treated them to a tongue lashing, telling them that they did not have enough information to make that assessment.  They did not ask about ANY weight loss history.  They did not know that I was currently maintaining an 80 pound weight loss after having lost 100 pounds.  and that to recommend such a thing could likely cause a person to REGAIN weight if they were to try to reach such a low weight.  Their information was outdated and poorly informed.  Of course, this is all on computer, and I am sure my response went into some great internet void, never to be seen by human eyes that give a crap.

So today I get an email from them to start my ‘healthy living adventure.’  Okay.  The $100 carrot is still dangling in front of my nose.  So I go through the check list.  Yawn.  Really?  I should keep a food journal?  THANK YOU for that bit of advice.  Oh?  I can ‘eat more and weigh less?  Whoopee.  That sounds great!   But I keep playing along.  Let’s check the menu for day one.  Wow, at first glance it looks a little skimpy.  Only 3 meals and one 100 cal snack.  But wait!  There’s more.  The lunch menu sounds vaguely familiar–shrimp over avocado salsa (my shrimp ceviche.)  Oh, but they have you eat it with TWO slices of french bread.  And they have you eat dinner over TWO cups of couscous.  Breakfast was an egg white SANDWICH.  Evidently these people haven’t read “Wheat Belly.”

Ah well.  I know they are well meaning.  Stay tuned to see if I win my $100.  I think I’ll spend it all on TOO MUCH FOOD.

I’m just tired of this stuff right now.  I’m tired of counting calories in my brain (I swear, there are  neuropathways devoted specifically to this chore.  I can’t NOT count calories.)  I’m tired of food and body image being a constant buzz in the back of my mind.  Its irritating.  Its even unimportant.  “Life is a vapor.”

In other news.  Oh, I don’t have any other news.  How about some pretty pictures?

I’ve been quilting like crazy.  I LOVE the saying on this quilt.  I think you can click on the picture so you can see a bigger picture.  I’m not crazy about the composition of the quilt.  But that’s exactly what that verse is about.  So it seems perfect to me.  I’m still blogging about my quilting on my other blog.  I probably will blog later today over there, because I have a plan to go to the gym this morning  for a change.

The scene after I am done with my morning reading.  I noticed afterwards my kindle on one arm of the chair, and ‘real’ books on the other.  I still like real books, and I like writing in a paper journal.   The dogs are always happy when I am done sitting there.  Its too crowded when I try to sit in their chair.

Mmm.  My latest breakfast obsession.  I told you I really love that Abundance brand of oatmeal, only its not just oatmeal, its multi-grain.  I love that it is so easy (microwave) and still has texture and tastes delicious. I usually add a few walnuts and raisins or cranberries.  Then after last week’s post about eating more vegetables, I thought about how I could add veggies to breakfast.  So I just shredded some zucchini and put a little in the dish with the oatmeal and water.  It is just right in the 2 minutes it cooks in the microwave.  Adds a nice texture.  And that shredded zucchini keeps very well in the refrigerator.  I’ve been using it all week!

Thanks for listening.  I feel better now.  I’ll feel even better after spending an hour at the gym, lifting weights and riding the bike while watching the food network.  Oh, and then I’ll feel EVEN BETTER after a Starbuck’s coffee with my favorite Quest bar with 20 grams of protein.  I might feel better after my turkey burger that I have planned for lunch.  Or after I take Noah for a quick walk this afternoon.  Maybe I’ll write a blog post tonight from the Cheerful Old Lady!

12 thoughts on “Step Away from the Crabby Old Lady!

  1. Sweety lay down the bat….step away from the baseball bat…… deep breaths……….in out, in out…..well i hope your gym does make you feel better. Thought i don’t blame you for being upset…….your weightloss is such an accomplishment and then they want to tell you its not good enough……aaaarrrggghhh…….

  2. Good for you, Debby, standing your “very experienced” ground. Sometimes I wonder who designs those “healthy living center” guidelines! I tried that once, and I was told I should weigh 115 pounds (lol) and then was asked this question: “What does a woman your age (63 at the time) need with a candy bar.” That comment was based on the information I provided on the questionnaire regarding “problem foods.” I answered honestly, and I was put in my rocking chair in short order. I decided that ageism is alive and well in my healthy living center! Also, the starches are usually abundant, and the protein is very sparse (at least in my case). Talk about insulin resistance! I don’t mean to discourage you. I’m just sharing my experiences.

    Your food looks great, especially the fiber enhanced oatmeal. Since I’m an oatmeal lover I will try that. It sounds like you’re doing well in the gym. Enjoy your Starbucks experience!

  3. First – how cool that your old work lets you continue on that program even though you are retired!

    I know you are venting, but I did have to laugh a bit because you acted about like I would! I keep wanting to join challenges or follow plans, but I realize how many of them are just cookie cutters (mmmm….cookies….) and there are parts that I strongly disagree with.

    Hope you enjoy Starbies. Maybe get some decaf, though 😀

    • You are right–my work treats retirees more than fairly. I could go to see Beach Blanket Babylon and out to dinner in SF with the retirees if I chose to!

      And I’m glad you laughed–it was meant to be funny, even though it was true.

      LOL on the recommendation for decaf. No way!

  4. I have decided that I am twisted because I read the title of this blog and thought, “Oh goodie! Debby is cranky – YAY! It’s gonna be a great post!” I’m so contrary myself I always get a kick out of other people’s crank.

    One day these morons who run these programs are going to realize that we are not a one size fits all nation and then they might actually do some good. You go with your bad self and tell them like it is.

    Enjoy the gym and your Starbucks – sure you don’t want some toast, a scone or a piece of cake with that? 😀

    • Hee hee! Glad I was able to entertain you for a few minutes. Haha on the offers of processed grains. See there, I showed my vast knowledge of all things food with a single comment. Going into Starbucks with a healthy snack that I really like is my defense mechanism against their caseful of goodies.

  5. Oh I can so relate. Remember Richard, my Health and Wellness coach through my insurance? He would call every couple of months and tell me things that any moron knows about nutrition. No help whatsoever. Last time he called, I didn’t even answer. Why waste my time?
    Like you said, they are well meaning, but most of us here in blog land probably know more than they do when it comes to health and nutrition (which doesn’t mean we always put our knowledge into action, but still <— talking about myself here).

    That oatmeal looks really yummy. I love multigrain stuff!

    Hope you're feeling better now!

    • I forgot about Richard!! Did he at least give you $100 for wasting your time?

      I feel excellent right now. That time on the bike really energizes me. Who knew?

  6. Ah yes, the old “do all these things to promote your own health and we’ll give you a break on your premiums.” We even get a break on enrollment fees for gym memberships. Funny how the gyms listed don’t even HAVE enrollment fees. When I went for my last annual assessment, the still wet behind the ears kid couldn’t even pronounce the word metabolism. Just to be obnoxious, I asked him to explain the difference between my “good” cholesterol number and my “bad” cholesterol number. He didn’t have a clue!!

    Sure the cranky old lady doesn’t come to Tennessee! Just kidding – I’ll take her any way I can get her and am already getting excited.

  7. Oh my, that weight recommendation would have set me OFF!!! I love your response to them and I hope that an actual human reads it. These things are just so stupid…that’s why I end up not even listening to “professionals” – they don’t know where I was, and where I am now, while not perfect, is so much better than before! Argh!

    P.S. TWO cups of couscous? Are they insane???

    OK. Mr. Monk’s leg on the Queen just cracked me UP! They are so comfortable together. Love your multi-tasking with the reading…I do the same thing. Think I’d feel deprived if I only had one thing to read at a time, lol!

    I adore how the quilt is coming out. Sure has changed and popped since the first shot!

    I owe you an email update on my adventures in knitting, but that will have to wait until tomorrow as my brain (and hands) are fried. Crazy fun, though.

  8. Hi there! I’m too brain-dead to add anything intelligent here, but I do empathize. I didn’t bother wth our work’s incentive program…didn’t realize the blogging potential! 😉

    Thought of you at Stitches West Marketplace last weekend. I went with a co-worker who knits. You would have loved it, especially this one booth that had buttons & notions & cool ribbons. An 8 year old boy sitting at our table won the 2nd grand prize drawing, $400 cash! He’d bought $5 worth of pens. Bet that’s the last time he complains about going to a boring ol’ knitting show with Mom!

  9. My workplace has one of those programs, too, and every year I have to take my “health assessment” to get a discount on my insurance. I call it the annual “I’m Fat Assessment.” Never mind that I weigh about what I did 10 years ago, don’t eat much processed foods, am physically active and have perfect fasting glucose and ridiculously low cholesterol — depending on whether I have my clothes and shoes on or not, I hover either just below or just above the magic BMI 30 line, so apparently I’m a walking heart attack. The last time they very helpfully suggested a 1200-calorie a day diet. If you put me on a 1200-calorie diet, I would be ready to eat the formica off the counters within 2 days.

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