Two Loops

Lately I’ve had a couple of thought loops running through my mind. I think it has something to do with turning 60. The loops do not intersect. It seems they run on separate tracks, although they are about the same topic.

The first loop is this:

I am 60 years old. I do not want to spend the rest of my life obsessing about food and weight and weight loss and weight gain and weight maintenance. I want to live the best possible life, the most meaningful spiritual life that I can. I want to enjoy a meal with friends, accept a treat when offered. I want to celebrate with food occasionally. I want to physically be able to serve God and serve others. I think often about Dallas Willard (the author I loved so much.) He lived the life I seek. “Dallas Willard would not obsess over food decisions like this,” I often think.

I am not talking about gaining weight back. But to eat this way, I need to be content to maintain at a higher weight range.

The second loop is this:

My back hurts. It would help if you lost some weight.

Yep, that’s the whole loop. While my back would not be healed by weight loss, I know for a fact that losing weight does decrease pain.

For a while, these two loops went through my mind on a daily basis. Each of them I acknowledge as truthful statements. But each of them requires that I make a decision and act on it. That has not exactly happened. One day I will follow one loop, and the next day I will follow the other. This, at least, keeps me maintaining my weight at this higher level.

You know, the truth is, that by “not making a decision to follow one loop or the other,” I actually have made a decision. For now, the truth is that I have made a decision to not actively pursue weight loss. To hold life a little less tightly. To live with a bit of pain and a little less angst. To still eat from a very healthy food template and to exercise on a regular basis. But to understand and agree that weight will not be lost this way. And for now, that’s okay.

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10 thoughts on “Two Loops

  1. So, I don’t know if you saw my response to your comment, but when I get that blog finished to answer your question, I promised I didn’t copy you.

    As long as you are at peace about it all, and the decision you’ve made, that is all that really matters.

    • Ha! I did see your response, and I hope you know I had already written this post before I saw your post! GMTA, right?

  2. I so so so get everything you said in this post. I am so OVER obsessing about food and my weight and I am actively lessening my death grip on those things, but at the same time I know that some of my health issues and any health-issues-to-be would be greatly impacted by weight loss. And like you said, by not making a decision, a decision has been made.

    I get it. I do.

  3. Debby i don’t think enjoying a meal with friends, accepting an occassional treat,or celebrating with food occassionally is what will put the weight on or off… Its what you do on a regular every day basis that will determine the outcome……Hugs! deb

  4. Being okay with where you are now, with whatever path or loop that you choose, is perfect. Having a calm mind vs feeling conflicted? Of course anyone would take the calm, and if X comes with Y, then so be it. Like you said, you’re not going to regain the weight – it sounds more like A) you’re not trying to lose any and B) you’re content with maintenance at this size. AND THAT’S WONDERFUL!!!

    I’m with you – I do not want to be thinking about dieting and losing weight and even much about maintaining for the rest of my life. Let’s move forward – there’s a lot more fun stuff to think about, honestly!

  5. I agree with you Debbie. I have had those same loops running in my head in my own struggle. I think they intersect when we come to a place where food is the least important thing about our day. When we can say, this is who I choose to eat, and it is a minimum of calories and healthy because we want to not because of trying to maintain or lose weight. If I can walk by something that I would have formerly liked to eat, and not have any interest in eating it because it just won’t do any good for my body-then for me the loops have intersected. Not quite there yet, but getting closer every day.

  6. I refuse to gain more weight, but I also refuse to be a slave to the diet machine. I think that means I settle higher as well, although it is ekeing down ever so slow since I quit over snacking.

    Women in general tend to obsess to much about what we weigh and live a life detrimental to being a whole person to fit into such a narrow view.

  7. Honestly, I would love to be where you are, but I can’t be. At least not yet. Of course, I’m still trying to get significantly healthier which requires I lose more weight. This only seems to work for me if I spend a lot of time meal planning, shopping, prepping, and yes, eating. On the bright side, it has had a big impact on how I feel and how I move. So congrats to you at finding your place of peace for now!

  8. For my health it’s better to lose a little weight but I don’t want to diet anymore. I just hope that moving enough and eat healthy most of the days eventually will result in a little loss. If not: so be it. Life is too short to be obsessed with food and exercise. There are so much fun things to do.
    So I totally agree with your first loop.

  9. Amen, sister. I so get this. The intersection of spirituality and weight issues is so much more than all the Bible-based diet plans out there now. It is so so so complicated.

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